Ball and Chain
by Ursula4x
Summary: Neal and Peter have a lot in common with El and Peter, Jones observes.


Title: Ball and Chain

Author: Ursula  
Rating: rating: R  
Genre and/or Pairing: Neal Caffrey and Peter and Elizabeth Burke  
Notes: Written for a very specific and fun prompt on the Kink meme

Warnings: Schmoop Alert, minor spoilers for Episode One

Summary: Peter and Neal sound just like Elizabeth and Peter

OooOooO

The boss has his hand the small of Caffrey's back when they came through the doorway. It made sense to Jones because Caffrey has this habit of spinning around in door ways and sometimes he ends up in Peter's arms. People will talk if that continues. Burke propels Neal smoothly into the meeting room; they sit next to each other, reading from the same file in well timed cadence.

There are doughnuts in the middle of the table. The boss grabs one to go with his espresso. Caffrey twitches his nose as he sips his plain Italian Roast. "What? It's a fruit group. You and El keep saying eat more fruit."

"Jelly in the middle of a wad of fried dough does not a fruit make," Caffrey scolds.

Jones stops in mid reach for the last chocolate doughnut, inexplicably guilty .

"Eating doughnuts is a cop's prerogative," the boss argues.

"So is keeling over before you are fifty and needing Viagra at forty," Caffrey said, plucking the doughnut from Burke's hand and throwing it in the garbage.

"Nag, nag, nag," Burke said. He mutters so lowly that Jones can barely hear him and he has excellent hearing, "And I don't need Viagra."

Brightly, Lauren offers a report. She said, "Peter, I think I found a lead on the Bradshaw case."

Lauren has not made Caffrey a copy, a petty act, but it's difficult sharing the spot light with someone who by their nature outshines the brightest beam. Jones likes Caffrey and he avoids center stage. He is more of an observer. Less ulcers that way.

It almost looks as if the two of them are communicating by telepathy. It appears they alternate pages, sharing the intelligence between them by force of will.

"Very sharp, Lauren," Caffrey says. "We can use this."

But in the end, it is the boss and Caffrey who solve the case and file Bradshaw away in the same maximum security prison where Caffrey had once resided.

OooOooO

"Peter, bad cop, no doughnut," Caffrey scolds, swiping at the boss's tie with a wet one. Everyone has wet ones today. Some consultant was handing them out at the early morning meeting. A whack job, but a smart one.

"I do mean no doughnuts, especially not jelly ones that you drip on your tie, not that a splotch could do much more damage than the deluded designer that came up with this nauseous pattern."

Elizabeth Burke arrives unheralded except by Jones who has a crush on her. She looks at Burke's tie, sniffs the blotch, and pulls the tie off, handing it to Caffrey, who waltzes out of the room with it dangling before the boss can catch him. The wife hums as she whips out a nicer tie and drapes it around her husband. He smiles goofily and allows her to lead him from the room.

When Jones persuades Lauren to go out for lunch, he sees all three of them, the boss, the wife, and Caffrey looking very happy and entering the salad bar down the street from the sandwich shop where Jones and Lauren will eat.

OooOooO

The boss wears his exasperated look but humor is peeking through. Caffrey sits on his desk, leg swinging, leaning way too close for someone the boss put in prison. They are sharing a sandwich because the wife has Burke on a diet and Caffrey eats like a bird all of the time.

"Eat, Neal," Burke urged. "You're going to blow away some windy day."

"I'll have you know my body mass is perfect," Neal retorts.

"Does that include the swollen appendage on top of your neck? It's a wonder you can find a hat that fits," Burke shoots back.

"Peter, this is not working, not hardly. You are not distracting me," Neal replies, leaning over and taking a package of chips from the boss's desk drawer.

Jones gives a guilty start since the boss begged the chips off him.

"Damn, caught again," the boss ruefully replies. He switches so he now has the larger side of the turkey sandwich. They eat peacefully.

It's good, Jones thinks. Burke is unbearable to everyone when he gets pissed at Neal or his wife.

OooOooO

Burke is trying to work through his phone call, which consists on his end of "Yes, honey, no honey, I won't forget, honey. Really. I promise."

Jones is waiting for the boss to sign his case report, but Burke is distracted.

Putting the cell phone in his pocket, Burke stands up and stretches. He looks very nice in his new suit, but seems uncomfortable.

Caffrey saunters in from pursuits unknown and frowns. "Peter, are you ready to go to that meeting?"

"Yes, Neal," Burke replies.

"With your pocket full of … stuff?"

"It's just my cell phone and a note pad," Burke explains.

"What's this for?" Caffrey demands, holding up Burke's new brief case which is real Italian tooled leather. The wife and the…other wife threw away the battered one that the boss has been using for as long as Jones has known him.

"My stuff," Burke admits, putting cell phone in the special holder, the note pad inside the carefully organized case.

"Isn't that so much better?"

"Yes, Neal," Burke replies.

"and don't slouch," Caffrey reminds. "Remember that."

"I won't forget. I promise."

"Good, have a good meeting," Caffrey said, giving the sharply folded handkerchief a slight tug to adjust its cant in Peter's pocket.

"I will."

There's no peck of a goodbye kiss, but it's implied. The propriety look on Caffrey's face is expressed not suggested.

Burke is getting a raise. Ruiz told people Burke had to ask for one with his two wives to support.

Jones is not fond of Ruiz, but the guy does have a point. It is like Burke has two spouses who get along remarkably well.

OooOooO

Whatever Caffrey did, it must have been a lulu. Burke has not been this angry at him since the first few weeks Caffrey was here.

"Peter, you have to talk to me," Caffrey begs.

"I don't have to do anything with you," Burke snaps. "Go have lunch. Go. Get out of my sight."

A path clears around them and Jones tries to melt into the wall. Burke goes into the restroom, but Caffrey won't give up. He follows the boss into the can.

The two of them are yelling now. The words are muffled but certain ones slam through the walls.

"Moz."

"He didn't."

"Prove it."

"Trust"

"Trust"

"TRUST ME"

A dull thud like something Caffrey's size being slammed into a wall.

Cruz is concerned. She says, "Get in there, Jones! He's hurting Neal."

Shaking his head, Jones says, "You go."

Ruiz is an evil genius. He appears from nowhere as voices rise again. "What is it, kids? Mommy and Daddy fighting again?"

Jones calculates whether hitting Ruiz is worth being fired. It's a close call, but he restrains himself.

The shouting stops. Caffrey emerges, tugging his clothing straight. There are no bruises, but his mouth is very pink. The boss's tie is askew and Jones knows that Caffrey will be straightening it for him unless the wife comes in before he gets to it.

"Neal and I have business to take care of," Peter states.

Jones considers that a thud on a wall could be the sound of one man being pressed back into it hard to be kissed. He just considers that without analyzing further.

Burke and Caffrey arrive back with some information that solves yet another case.

Burke smirks and says, "Haversham is a good man."

"I told you so," Caffrey tells him.

It's back to fond smiles and exchanged glances. Jones breathes a sigh of relief and Cruz frankly says, "Thank god."

OooOooO

Another day, Burke's beautiful wife with her hands on two very different arms walks in from lunch, laughing and seemingly very pleased.

Her goodbye kiss to her husband is tender. The one to Caffrey's cheek surprising. "You take care of him for me."

Caffrey bows, his hat to his heart. Not many could pull that off, but he does.

Jones wonders if he could get some lessons on swashbuckling from Neal or maybe he should just find out what the boss wears for shaving lotion because Jones is pretty sure the boss is getting more than his share of loving.

Traveling through the office, Jones trailing at a crook of Peter Burke's finger, the two are gently arguing about Frank Abagnale.

The boss takes the position that Abagnale was conning still about all those careers.

"Guy's a millionaire now," Jones shoots in.

Both Neal and the boss wheel around and give him fish eyes. Jones shuts up.

"I could have done it," Neal said, "Wouldn't have done the doctor bit though. Too much chance of hurting someone."

"Some pretty good agents have investigated. There were no confirmations in any of the places where Abagnale allegedly worked," Burke states.

"You do it right, there's no trace," Neal said, "And people clam up because they don't like people knowing they were marks."

Burke turns around, shoves back the hat that Neal is wearing and gazes deeply into his eyes. "Did you do it right, Neal?"

"I never pretended to be an airline pilot," Neal states happily.

By the way, the boss moves onto another subject, the case at hand, Jones is pretty sure that Burke didn't want a real answer anyway.

OooOoooO

"How are Mommy and Daddy today?" Lauren asks, only she has a cold and looks terrible. She has been complaining all day about not being able to hear so she is probably unaware that she is speaking so loudly that Neal and Peter look up from their heads together position at Peter's desk.

The boss is usually in a good mood these days and Jones calls him Peter like Lauren does. Neal's a buddy and Jones feels protective of him. Peter comes over, giving Lauren a peculiar look.

Lauren turns red. She says, "Hi, Peter, Neal, it's a joke I was telling Jones."

"Uh huh," Peter replies with a funny look at Neal.

"Well, they do sound like an old married couple," Lauren mutters. She is still too loud.

"Honey, we have to get along better for the sake of the kids, dear little Lauren and what did we name the boy anyway?" Neal said, grinning.

Peter stops blushing and laughs. He says, "He's named after your weird uncle Harold."

"I thought that was your uncle?" Neal shot back. "Oh, my god, do you realize a total stranger has crashed thanksgiving dinner for the last two years?"

Jones scowls. He hates his name. His mother named him after a Star Trek character.

Jones sighs. It could have been worse. His name could have been Mudd.

There's a call and Burke is off again.

He moves pretty fast for a man with two balls and chains.

The end


End file.
